Reality Check

It was time to make a decision, but I couldn't. For nearly an hour I'd been thinking about it. I'd narrowed it down to two options but was still stuck. So I dialed my hubby's cell to ask for his assistance.

"Asalaam alaikum honey, how are you you?"

"Walaikum salaam baby, I'm good. And you?"

"Oh I'm fine. Listen, I have something important to figure out and I need your help".

"Of course, what's going on?"

"Okay, here's the question", I said,"Leopard print or blue?"

"Um, excuse me honey, can you explain?"

"Well I'm trying to decide which scarf to wear to the lecture and I can't pick one so I need you to do it".

"OH", he laughs,"Definitely the blue one, it's very pretty".

"Wonderful, thanks for your help baby! I'm going to finish getting ready now but will call you back. I love you, asalaam alaikum".

So I got off the phone and finished getting ready. Now that I knew what I planned to wear it didn't take long. I put on my abaya(shoutout to EastEssence.com), solid underscarf to cover my hair thoroughly and a lace underscarf for decoration. I wrapped my khimar tightly around my head-but wait! I hadn't decided which hijab pin to wear. I dug through the small satchel I keep my hijab pins in & removed two. It was between the ceramic white flower pin & the rhinestone studded star pin...

Then it hit me. What on earth was I doing? What had I turned into?

You see I started wearing hijab one week before I took my shahada. When I first went out in hijab, it was purely about modesty and obeying Allah,subhana wa'taala. It was about identifying myself as a muslimah. When I got dressed to go out all I did was grab a khimar that was clean and matched my outfit for the day. Then I discovered all of the accessories-underscarves and hijab pins. Over time wearing hijab became more about trying to look cute and be perfectly coordinated. So as I stared at my reflection with the two hijab pins in my hand, I felt a profound sense of shame and guilt. I knew that it was time for me to check myself. I had to purify my intentions regarding my observation of hijab. I had to focus on modesty. So the next day when I got dressed, I simply pulled out an abaya and wore the matching khimar that came with it. I will stop putting so much unnecessary time into deciding what to wear and remember that I'm dressing this way for Allah and Allah alone.

1.57 Billion Strong?

It is often noted that the Umma is 1.57 billion strong. Alhamdulilah, our numbers are increasing every day. When I hear this number I am initially filled with joy and pride. However when I reflect on it, I’m saddened and frustrated. There are 1.57 billion of us-but look at the condition of the Umma. Look at all the infighting and division among us. Look at the state of some Muslim nations. Look at the situation in lands where we are a minority. Something is not right here.

We worship the one true God, Allah, subhana wa’taala.

We have the perfect religion, Islam.

We have the perfect example in the Prophet Mohammed, peace and blessings be upon him.

So, where did we go wrong? For the error cannot be in the Holy Quran, the Sunnah or the Hadiths. No, it must be within us. I try to imagine what the Umma would look like if we were all on our deen. I know that such a thing is probably unrealistic and too much to ask for. So I adjust the number downward. What if we had 500 million Muslims who were on their deen like the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was? 500 million Muslims who…

Feared Allah as the Prophet feared,

Prayed like the Prophet prayed,

Loved each other for the sake of Allah the way the Prophet loved,

Walked in humility as the Prophet walked,

Rejected racism and tribalism as the Prophet rejected them,

Showed mercy as the Prophet showed mercy,

Sought justice as the Prophet sought justice, and finally,

Remained faithful to Islam as the Prophet remained faithful to Islam at all times.

It is frankly hard for me to picture this. But, Subhanallah, I truly believe that the Umma, and the world itself, would be turned upside down if this were to happen! The enemies of Islam seem to recognize the power and potential strength of the Umma. When will we Muslims do the same?

Perfect Faith, Imperfect Followers

I love Islam. I reverted to Islam three months ago and I wouldn’t trade Islam for anything. There are those who say that my faith is in need of a “Reformation”, that Islam needs to adapt to the modern secular world and that we need to change how we interpret the Quran. I vehemently reject such thinking. As far as I am concerned, Islam is the perfect religion. The Holy Quran is flawless and the Hadiths and Sunnah show us how to correctly live our lives.
With that said, the Umma is not perfect. As a revert to Islam I experience this on a regular basis. I like attending Ju’mah whenever I can. Unfortunately it is on this very day that I face un-Islamic behavior from my brothers and sisters. Last week I was walking to the masjid. A Muslim family, going to the exact same masjid that I was, just glared at me when I gave them the salaams. Frankly this happens often and I try not to be hurt by it. But the fact that we were all going to the same masjid for the same purpose made their behavior all the more upsetting. They were following our faith, going to listen to the khutbah and pray. Yet they would treat a sister in faith this way and disregard what the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, stated about spreading the Islamic greeting? We Muslims were not told to only give the greetings to Muslims that shared our complexion or national origin.
Today there was another disappointing incident. I bring my six-year old daughter with me whenever I attend the masjid. Upon entering the masjid I went to the ladies room to make sure my scarf was in place. A friend that came with me took my daughter upstairs so they could get a good seat. Imagine my surprise when, after the khutbah and salah, my friend informed me that a group of sisters were gossiping and backbiting about my child! Apparently the fact that my daughter was wearing an orange hijab was cause for these sisters to make disparaging comments about her. I tell you this, Allah truly knows best! Astagfirullah, if I had been there to witness this myself I don’t think I could have remained silent. It hurts me to find that sisters will behave this way in the masjid, and towards an innocent child at that!
I could go and on sharing stories of ill-treatment by fellow Muslims, but I won’t. The tragic thing about all of this is that it can and often does drive people away from Islam. There are reverts who cease to be active in the community, leaving Islam and never coming back. For my fellow reverts experiencing this hostility and indifference: focus on Allah, subhana wa’taala, and worship Him in sincerity. For on the Day of Recompense, Allah is the one that you must face! Always remember the example set by the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, and strive to follow it no matter what. Do not let the shortcomings of others distract you. Don’t let the imperfections of people take you away from the perfect religion: Islam.

The Backlash...

November 4th, 2008 was a momentous night for me. Though Candidate Obama gave lovely speeches, I didn't share his ideals and did not vote for him. However by about 7pm, it was clear that Barack Obama was going to be the 44th President of the United States of America. This left me feeling very conflicted. I couldn't help but feel a bit euphoric. I've never been one of those Black Conservatives that denies their heritage and pretends America is happily colorblind. I knew that Obama's election was a watershed moment that could not be denied. I reflected on my Grandma's stories of growing up under Jim Crow. I thought of my Mom's story of her first trip to Mississippi in 1968, an experience that disturbed her so much that she never set foot in that state again. And I wished that they had lived long enough to see that night, for I know they would have shed tears of joy.

On the other hand, I wondered what it would mean for the country. It was apparent that we were on the edge of a huge paradigm shift. But it was done. Obama won the election fair and square, so there was no need to sit around being a sore loser. I would respect him as my Commander-In-Chief and life would go on. I also hoped the Conservatives would handle the loss with grace and dignity, showing a clear difference to the bratty disrespectful behavior of the Left during the Bush years(this hope would eventually be extinguished, but more on that later).

2009 rolled in, and stories began to leak that gun and ammunition sales had skyrocketed since the election. I understood that people had the right, but it spooked me. I wondered why these people felt the need to stockpile weapons. More importantly, I wondered who they planned on using these weapons against. Then came the vicious pictures and comments about the President and First Lady-or I should say the vicious pictures and comments CONTINUED. It disgusted me that the same people that objected to the previous President being disrespected had no problem doing it to Obama. The same people who always came to the defense of Laura Bush gleefully compared Michelle Obama to an ape and posted photoshopped pictures of her. Of course none of this had ANYTHING to do with the fact that the First Couple is black. Oh no, these so-called decent Americans were just expressing their disagreement with President Obama's politics. If you dared to point out the racially offensive activity, you were just obsessed with race and a bigot yourself.

Then came healthcare reform in the summer and all the drama that went along with it. Obama was destroying America and content on making all of us his socialist slaves! Obama was the Anti-Christ bent on world domination and subverting American sovereignty! At this point I made a conscious decision to stop watching tv and stop following politics for a minute. The weirdness was just too much to deal with.

Finally we get into 2010 and the healthcare bill is passed. Listening to fellow Republicans, I thought I had walked into an alternate universe. "We" had lost "our country" for good now. "They" had destroyed the promise of the United States and we were now as oppressed as citizens of the former USSR had been. "We" needed to protect ourselves against the onslaught of the evil federal government. "We" needed to form militias and take up arms(Huttaree militia anyone?). I kept hearing and seeing such sentiments and I couldn't help but think these people had lost their minds.

I have come to the conclusion that America really was not ready to elect Obama. I am not saying that the increased extremism and hatred is his fault. But the change of having a minority in office was just too much for the feeble-minded to handle. These people truly have come to believe that they are somehow oppressed and under attack. The change that this country has gone through since Election Night now makes me glad my Mom and Grandma are not here. Had they lived to see their nation return to such hatred and polarization, it would have broken their hearts as it is breaking mine.

For The Sake of Allah...

As a new revert, we often have to change our lifestyle and give up certain things for the sake of Allah. The first thing that I let go of was the old way of dress. I immediately started wearing hijab-a week before I took my shahadah actually-and didn't have a problem doing it. But when it came to my nails-there was a slight struggle. You see I have an inner "hood chick", so I love bright nail polish and usually wore long acrylic nails. I learned pretty quick that nail polish prevents one from making wudu(which in turn keeps one from being able to make salat). So I told myself-"Okay D, no color but you can still have nude acrylics..."-incorrect! Acrylics get in the way of wudu as well(which as a pre-nursing student I should have remembered anyways). So last Thursday I went to Target to buy household and beauty items. While browsing the aisle for a jar of acrylic nail remover, a bottle of OPI nail polish caught my eye. It was a lovely shade of pink and I immediately thought of how hot the color would look on my hands and feet, and I sighed to myself. I resisted though and took the nails off.Funny though, because once they were gone, I didn't even miss them!

"Love and marriage, love and marriage..."

It's been approximately twenty three days since I took my shahadah and the m word is already coming up. Now don't get me wrong; I have nothing against the institution of marriage at all. I also understand that in Islam it's very crucial. Marriage is half of our deen, and I do look forward to being a wife and having a husband. But with that said, some of the pressure regarding the issue is a bit much for me as a new convert. I'd really like to have a thorough understanding of my rights and responsibilities as a muslim wife before I become one. I have done research on the subject and it's an ongoing process. I just don't want to rush into a marriage or treat it casually. I also have some minor emotional baggage that I need to clear first. When I marry I don't want it to resemble my experiences during my time of jahiliyya in ANY way. I truly want everything to be guided by Allah and expect the process to be guided by Islamic principles 100%.

"I Won't Complain!"

Okay I have a confession to make. Lately I've been in a bit of a pity pool. Dealing with the sheer ignorance of people regarding Islam has working my nerves. But then I came across this brother's testimony and I felt so humbled! This brother was tested and lost so much. Yet he does not complain and remained strong in his deen. The deceiver may attempt to sway us from the path but TRULY ALLAH IS GREATER! Alhamdulillah!