Reality Check

It was time to make a decision, but I couldn't. For nearly an hour I'd been thinking about it. I'd narrowed it down to two options but was still stuck. So I dialed my hubby's cell to ask for his assistance.

"Asalaam alaikum honey, how are you you?"

"Walaikum salaam baby, I'm good. And you?"

"Oh I'm fine. Listen, I have something important to figure out and I need your help".

"Of course, what's going on?"

"Okay, here's the question", I said,"Leopard print or blue?"

"Um, excuse me honey, can you explain?"

"Well I'm trying to decide which scarf to wear to the lecture and I can't pick one so I need you to do it".

"OH", he laughs,"Definitely the blue one, it's very pretty".

"Wonderful, thanks for your help baby! I'm going to finish getting ready now but will call you back. I love you, asalaam alaikum".

So I got off the phone and finished getting ready. Now that I knew what I planned to wear it didn't take long. I put on my abaya(shoutout to EastEssence.com), solid underscarf to cover my hair thoroughly and a lace underscarf for decoration. I wrapped my khimar tightly around my head-but wait! I hadn't decided which hijab pin to wear. I dug through the small satchel I keep my hijab pins in & removed two. It was between the ceramic white flower pin & the rhinestone studded star pin...

Then it hit me. What on earth was I doing? What had I turned into?

You see I started wearing hijab one week before I took my shahada. When I first went out in hijab, it was purely about modesty and obeying Allah,subhana wa'taala. It was about identifying myself as a muslimah. When I got dressed to go out all I did was grab a khimar that was clean and matched my outfit for the day. Then I discovered all of the accessories-underscarves and hijab pins. Over time wearing hijab became more about trying to look cute and be perfectly coordinated. So as I stared at my reflection with the two hijab pins in my hand, I felt a profound sense of shame and guilt. I knew that it was time for me to check myself. I had to purify my intentions regarding my observation of hijab. I had to focus on modesty. So the next day when I got dressed, I simply pulled out an abaya and wore the matching khimar that came with it. I will stop putting so much unnecessary time into deciding what to wear and remember that I'm dressing this way for Allah and Allah alone.